Congruence, Trust, Confidence, and Charisma

Consider the notion that trust isn’t really earned, only granted. The largest indicator of people granting trust is congruence. Congruence in communication happens when all aspects of a communication are going in the same direction and describing the same story; language, words, voice, tone, tempo, volume, body posture, body structure, body connectivity patterns, shape, gesture, breathing, use of space, weight, attention, flow, etc. When they are all working together it is charismatic, right!

That is a lot to track and analyze, given our one track linear minds, especially when it is talking to itself so consistently. But, bodies listen to and read other bodies all the time. We have been doing it since early childhood.  Communications don’t have to always go through the conscious mind. Have you ever noticed when you just “sensed” something from another and couldn’t put your finger on it. Consider that it is your body “talking or listening” to another body. Why not? Animals do it all the time. In fact, that is their primary mode of language.

Sitting that Saves Your Back and Grows Your Business

Business people don’t seem to think that their posture and the way they sit affects their success. What could be further from the truth. How one sits commands attention and respect and instills confidence. Sit too straight and you appear stuffy, too slumped and you appear slovenly. Many transactions are lost for some nebulous reason that often reflects the way one of the people used his or her body and posture to communicate with their colleague or customer.

When you simply offer some attention to your body use, then you will know how to adjust your self to fit the situation and seal the deal or make the sale. It all comes under the heading of behavioral flexibility.

So, what is the “best way”? We are mostly confused about the “best way” to sit. Each of us has at some time or another been “encouraged” to “sit up straight”. But, most of us are at a loss to know what that really means. When we do “sit up straight”, we may feel like it is uncomfortable, and it doesn’t last long. We quickly and unconsciously revert to our habitual way.

There are some comfortable and easy ways to sit that will serve us well and increase our productivity.

If you will just observe the 7 elements of sitting, then you will feel better, have more energy, and be more productive at work.


“Inspiring someone is awakening a viewpoint that realizes that something that seemed impossible can actually be done.”  Harry Palmer, Avatar Materials

By looking at you, what do they believe to be true?

Often people don’t think much about their impact on others. But actually we are all familiar with “first impressions”. Actually they are not just first impressions, we offer impressions every time someone sees us. They will often say “I was really impressed by so and so”. If we will simply pay a little attention to our demeanor we will make quite a large impact.

I recently saw a BBC special called “The Human Face” with John Cleese as host. I practiced making very big face gestures and smiles for the next few days, and I was amazed how much people seemed to notice me and speak to me who normally wouldn’t. All of a sudden I was much more “popular” than when I didn’t make big gestures.

So, what do others believe to be true about us when they see us? We have so many ways to impress them, what we say and do, how we use our faces, postures, gestures, etc.

We often think about how we are dressed or comb our hair, but much more impactful are our physical postures and movement signatures. They seem to leave far deeper, more unconscious, and lasting impressions. I have often had facial hair and shaved it off and no one seemed to notice. Occasionally someone will notice my clothes I am so proud of, but what really seems to work is to exaggerate some of my gestures, postures, and facial gestures to make a real impact.

Embodied Cognition

Embodied Cognition is a term I ran across today. If I am understanding it correctly it exactly describes what I have been attempting to wrap my mind around to describe how I have been sensing the body etc. I am ecstatic.

Joints: Where are they, how they limit us

You think that joint means the meeting place of two or more bones.

But really, a joint is the space where movement occurs. So, sure between two bones is a space where movement occurs. As another example, the space between your skin and deeper layers can also be considered a joint, and if it doesn’t move neither do you. Try wearing tight clothing and notice the restriction to your movement, or wrap a piece of tape around a body part. There are literally millions of other areas in your body that move and are joints.

And, if you will simply redefine the meaning of joints in your body and learn how to move them in new ways, then you will move through life in an entirely different way. Many of your aches and pains will disappear, magically. You will appear more lively and graceful. Your brain will become more active and alive. People will tell you they have greater confidence in you.

How do I do this, you may wonder. Well, I will tell you, but you will have to check in here every so often to find out.

In the mean time, feel how your skin moves in a particular direction. Hold it gently against the limit of movement. Walk, move, or any other movement while you hold it and feel for it changing under your touch. Then retest the area and find out if you got a bigger movement in the skin or in how it feels and the end of its range. Go move gently and with the flashlight of your attention notice if your movement feels different; lighter, freer, more enjoyable, etc. Let me know what you find out.

Rib Cage, Rib Case, Rib Basket, Thorax Movement

People often think (believe) that, experience, or they look like their rib cage is a solid or semi-solid object, and they think it was meant to have little or no movement.

But actually, since it is made up of so many separate parts (12 vertebrae, 11 discs, 24 ribs, 12 cartilages, 1 sternum, 1 xiphoid, 107 boney joints, 1 heart, 2 lungs, multiple fluid vessels and nerves, 1 esophagus, many muscles, and multiple layers of connective tissue), it has got to be one of the most flexible areas in the the body.

If you will just locate each of the joints in your thorax and add a little movement to each of them, then you will find great freedom of movement in your chest. You will breathe better and have greater vital capacity (breath, blood and lymph flow, digestion, etc.). This movement will add more flexibility to the rest of your body, since your total movement patterns are limited to the degree that the least movable area will or will not move.

Exercise 1: Go to an an anatomy book and locate joints in the thorax. Place your finger tip or tips over the are of each joint in turn. Walk, move, roll, explore movement in that joint area as this and other parts of your body move. Go slowly, go gently, be attentive and you will learn and surely increase awareness and movement in this and all areas of your self, even increase movement in the brain.

Bones are not meant to support you, liquids are.

You perhaps think that bones were meant to support you and all of  your weight. If you watch most people move you will see that they have the appearance that they believe their spine should support them. Beyond that, they appear to think that their spine is in the back of their body. Most people stand with their chest behind and their pelvis in front of their center of gravity. Push gently down on their shoulders and they will buckle for lack of support.

But what really supports your weight is the incompressible nature of your fluids, especially water.

And if you will just explore the fluids in your body for support and get them as vertical as possible along gravity and put the pressure through the entire volume of your body, then you will move more fluidly and less like a stick figure, your bones will last longer and take up less shock over a lifetime, your joints will thank you by not giving out and asking for replacement, and you will be less tired and have more energy.

If you press down on a relatively flexible tube or column of material like a 2″ to 3″ foam roller standing on end, you will find that it is most stable and supportive when it is completely straight and you are pressing along its length. If you bend the foam roller slightly and attempt to press through it you will feel it bend under the pressure. Actually, flexible tubes are a better material to use for this experiment because you can look down through the tube and see something quite interesting. When you get the most support you will be able to see through the tube the most easily, a fully open aperture. When your view is block by the bend in the tube, the aperture is decreased, then support is less just like the foam roller.

Meat when put on a counter does not flatten out like an egg. There is support in each of the tiny tiny segments of the meat. Wrap that with skin and strong fascia and it can be quite stable even without a bone. Add the bone (also about 30% to 50% water in a tube) and you have even more support.

So just like a foam roller aligned fluid volumes provide support for the human body. The more you experience this the more upright and stable your posture becomes. And yes, the happier you will be and appear.